Cleaning Up After Baby

When the time comes for baby to begin graduating from milk only to solid foods it is often a sad occasion since it marks the beginning of the end of cleanliness. Not that babies are 100% clean before they begin eating solid foods, since there is always a need to carry a burp rag for the inevitable spit up, but once they begin eating solid foods we go through more bibs and wet wipes than Joe's Crab Shack during Crabfest. Add to that the high chair/booster seat which might as well be hosed off after dinner due to the remnants of cereal, slobber, and other food scraps and one can understand why the introduction of solid foods is met by experienced parents with the slightest tinge of ire.

This period of decreasing cleanliness (or increased messiness depending on your outlook on life) can be enough to drive some parents crazy. It drove us crazy with our first child or two. Then we learned that the area within a 5 foot radius of baby will never be clean and it is futile to try and keep said area debris-free for extended periods of time. The best one can do is to keep the destruction zone to a minimum.

Here are some hard and fast rules for keeping that area as clean as possible:

1. Do not seat baby close to any walls. Walls will match whatever baby is having for dinner.
2. Do not seat baby close to your other children. Children will attempt to lovingly feed baby. This often resembles a force feeding and should be avoided at all costs.
3. Unless the feeder bib looks like a straight-jacket do not feed baby in clothes that you intend the baby to wear for more than the next 30 minutes.
4. Do not seat baby within arms length of the dinner table. Ever seen the movie trick where someone grabs the tablecloth and jerks it out from under the dishes? Yeah, it's kind of like that except the dishes come with it when the baby grabs the tablecloth.

The astute reader will notice that I have left few places safe to actually feed the baby. There are two places I can think of that will work nicely: outside or in the bathtub. These are the only safe places to feed baby. If you decide not to follow my rules you do so at your own risk.

For the record I have considered busting out the Christmas tree skirt and putting it under his chair when he eats just to make the cleanup easier. Could you imagine just being able to pick up the skirt and shake it off outside after dinner? No more sweeping and mopping under the baby's chair after meals! I think I've found the next great invention! Someone call Babies R Us.

Trip to the Pharmacy

Antonio had to get a prescription filled "after hours" last night so we (Antonio, Angelo and myself) went in search of a 24-hour pharmacy. They were behaving so wonderfully that I decided that they could each choose a candy bar to snack on while we waited the 45-minutes for the prescription to be filled. At that time of night I was floored to have such a long wait. I explained that my son was having an allergic reaction and would like to have the medication dispensed ASAP. She told me that there were several people ahead of me seeking flu medication. I thought to myself yes, but the people suffering from the flu won't unleash an unholy terror on this Walgreens like my two pre-schoolers will, especially after I amp them up with a little chocolate. I think she could see that in my eyes.

So we mosey on over to the candy aisle and proceed to engage in an endless ebb and flow of Angelo grabbing something and then Antonio choosing something different and then Angelo choosing what Antonio chose then Antonio changing his mind etc. Repeat this cycle for about 10-15 minutes all the while explaining to Angelo why he won't like licorice flavored candy straws, or jalapeno spiced nougat or whatever else they put within arms length of 3-year olds on the candy aisle. Did I mention this all took place within earshot of the pharmacy? Let's just say that I ended up making the executive decision to buy something for all appetites (a package of Riesen a roll of Sweettarts, a bottle of cream soda) and we called it quits.

I'm certain the pharmacist could hear this commotion because no sooner had we purchased our delectable desserts than I hear my name paged over the intercom. 45 minutes quickly turned into 15. Much to the surprise of the other waiting patrons we sashayed to the pharmacy paid and quickly left.

Flattery may get you everywhere, but screaming kids will get you whatever you want faster.

Driving to Michigan "Vacation"

Insanity is not the cause of having multiple children it is the result. As a parent of three pre-school boys I do consider myself a bit nutty, however what we attempted a couple of weeks ago bordered on insanity. Two parents, three kids, and Grandpa in a minivan for nearly 21 straight hours driving from Dallas to Detroit certainly qualifies. We departed Dallas in the evening around 8 PM Central so that we could drive through the night and make the best time possible.

Throughout my travels I have learned to pack exactly what is needed for the trip (no more and only occasionally less). My children don't know how to pack for themselves so that task fell to Mommy, who proceeded to pack half of their wardrobe. Add to this her stuff, and my dad's stuff, cooler, snacks, toys, pillows etc. and I couldn't see out the back window, we maxed out the Stow N Go, and had to jockey things around to get into and out of the car. Needless to say we were cozy.

There are two nearly equidistant routes one is more northern and goes through Oklahoma, Missouri, Illinois, and Indiana. The southern route includes Arkansas, Tennessee, and Kentucky. Both include Ohio. We opted for the southerly route which included getting pulled over between Little Rock and Memphis around 2AM. Now I'm sure the police officer was thinking "Texas plates, middle of Arkansas, middle of the night, can't see through the back window, they must be up to no good." Oh little did he know! What he got a taste of as he approached was Antonio sleeping, Giancarlo crying, Angelo pretend sword fighting against unseen enemies, and three adults wondering why we were being delayed. He asked where we were headed and when I said Michigan he replied factually "That's a long drive" and his lingering look subconsciously told me "You must be out of your mind!" He wasn't far off the mark, and so he let us go and we kept on rolling.

Gas and Go throughout the night, but the impediments began just north of Nashville when the children awoke. Of course we made an obligatory pit stop and Mickey D's for breakfast. No indoor play area and it was raining outside. Lovely. My children need an athletic outlet and aside from streaking between the restroom and the table they certainly didn't get the workout I had hoped for. Also both older boys had to go #2.

Armed with a pair of portable DVD players we returned to the road. Pit stop in Louisville. Antonio and Angelo go #2. Pit stop in Cincinnati boys go #2. Pit Stop south of Toledo...boys go #2. Notice a pattern? Like animals marking their collective territories my kids feel the need to christen one toilet per state minimum. What's the deal with that?

So about 5:30 PM Eastern we roll into Detroit and crash at my Grandma's house. Luckily she lives next door to a park where the kids were able to get out and run off some of their pent up energy. The trip went about as well as could be expected but we learned our lesson and on the return trip we decided to get a hotel room. After all vacation should be about relaxation.