Spirit of Thanksgiving

In the spirit of the season (and responding to a need at the church) we took the kids out shopping for Thanksgiving foodstuffs to support those less fortunate than ourselves. The thought behind this was that we can take the kids to the store, buy the food and then drop it off all while teaching them about Thanksgiving and why it is so important to celebrate it. Suffice to say that the trip didn't go exactly as planned but more on that in a moment.

Thanksgiving is the quintessential American holiday. It celebrates our oneness as Americans. National holidays often celebrate a certain segment of society, July 4th (although a great day to get together and BBQ) somehow lacks the feeling of togetherness embodied by "The Holidays", New Years is celebrated by almost every society on Earth, and Christmas/Easter/ Hanukkah/Yom Kippur/Rosh Hashana/Ramadan et al. are religious holidays. Thanksgiving is a time for all Americans (white, black, brown, Christian, Jew Muslim) to remember what makes this country great and what sets us apart from the rest of the world; namely our generosity, hospitality, abundance and freedoms of all types. We celebrate what it is that makes the USA the most sought after residence and the envy of the world.

So it is in that spirit that we hopped in the car and made our way down to the local Wal-Mart (which thankfully had endcap displays for all that we needed). In the car on the way we explained that we weren't shopping for ourselves but rather for those who have less than we do. Antonio noted that we should get him some toys since we were going to Wal-Mart. Specifically he wanted 5 guns and 2 swords (I honestly have no idea where he gets this stuff). We calmly explained to him that he could ask Santa Claus for those things (which we totally have no intentions of getting for him) and that tonight would not be time for that. He was adamant that we would buy him toys so Misty and I decided to drop it.

As we arrived at Wal-Mart both boys are instructed to sit in the shopping cart as we planned to make this trip as quickly as possible. Nothing is worse than children running in opposite directions at any store let alone one as big as Wal-Mart. 20 seconds through the front door we arrive at the yam endcap and no sooner did we arrive then the two boys begin fighting with one another. Again we calmly explained why we were shopping and that they should be gracious givers. That went over their little heads faster than talk of Keynesian Economic Theory. I got the deer in headlights stare for about 5 seconds and then they went back to bickering. We saw that this was quickly snowballing into a full-blown tantrum so we hurriedly shoveled cans of yams into the cart along with all other foodstuffs and proceeded to the check out lane.

Enter a new highlight of the evening: the impulse section next to the cash register. The kids start the mad grab for anything within reach suddenly the cart begins to fill up with candy bars and beef jerky. Daddy has had it at this point, and although the Almond Joy was calling my name I decided to eschew the candy bar in favor of expediting our checkout. Children screaming and arguing, on the verge of yam can throwing we finally exit Wal-Mart lucky to escape with our sanity. We then proceed to the church to drop off the goods. Now ensues the argument about who carries what bag. Feeling like total parental failures we drop off the food, dejectedly return to the car and drive home. My only solace is that gin martinis cure all ills at the end of a long day.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sleeping Habits

I vividly remember sleeping in front of a floor fan when I was a kid. I used to sneak out of bed in the middle of the night and take my blanket and pillow to the living room where we had a box-style floor fan and I would proceed to sleep in front of it. My parents hated it, but I still to this day need to feel like an Eskimo while I sleep. Enter mini-me a.k.a. Antonio, a.k.a. Mother's curse; you know the one that goes something like "I hope you have a child just like yourself." I now have a vague concept of what it was like to raise me in my early years.

I can't get Antonio to spend an entire night in his bed. In the last week alone we have found him asleep on the couch upstairs, at the top of the stairs behind the gate, asleep on the couch in the downstairs living room, under our bed and asleep in the corner of our room. I don't think he is sleepwalking, I think he just gets bored. Under the guise of "being scared" he whines at the top of the stairs until someone either tells him to go back to bed or he consoles himself and falls asleep in random places.

Angelo on the other hand normally goes to sleep in his toddler bed, but sometimes wakes up and nestles behind his door. Unfortunately this makes opening his door to check on him near impossible since he wedges himself between the door and the wall. We put a child lock on the inside of Angelo's room for his own safety and our sanity. We really aren't ready for him to be running around upstairs with his brother because they might never go to sleep. Unfortunately Antonio sometimes kicks the sleeping tiger by opening the door early in the morning before we are ready to wake up. Those are usually the mornings that test our parental mettle.

We kicked around the idea of bunk beds...they are so not ready for that. They are already doing the flying elbow from the top turnbuckle. Angelo got sniped making the leap from the fireplace to the couch a few days ago even after Mommy told him not to. Clearly if they are jumping around like monkeys they are not ready for bunk beds. Luckily Mommy ceded her office to the new baby so we don't yet have to worry about consolidating children into the same room just yet. In the future it will be a foregone conclusion, but for now we are satisfied with the room assignments. It could always be worse.

Potty Training

So Misty and I decided that we would attempt to potty train Angelo before baby #3 arrives. We bought little undies with Cars characters and pull-up diapers. Suffice to say that Angelo turned the tables on us and trained us on what he would and wouldn't do. This child refuses to go to the bathroom when asked. We set a 30 minute timer and every time it beeped we asked Angelo if he needed to go potty. Of course he said no and then 2 minutes later told us that he just pottied in his pull-up. As a side note Pull-up diapers are ridiculously expensive. It is clearly the last jab from the diaper companies knowing that they wont see those hineys again until incontinence sets in 60+ years later; but I digress. So clearly I am miffed that the overly expensive diaper has just been micturated in after I just asked him if he had to go.

Searching for answers Misty and I embarked on a journey to find alternate ways to potty train without breaking the bank on Pull-Ups. So we put him in just underwear and let him run around without pants. Sure enough the same thing happened. As punishment we decided to make him sit bare-bottomed in the laundry room while his undies got washed. He dutifully sat there while they went through the spin cycles and then was happy to put on another pair. No sooner had we re-clothed his loins then he did it again.

Next we tried letting him run around naked in the back yard. This was a stroke of genius because there would be nothing to throw away or wash if soiled so we figured we would let him pee on the fence or in the grass...anywhere so that he could get the feel of it. Well he didn't go on the fence or the grass like I had hoped. What he did do was drop some rabbit pellets on the back porch which I then had to hose off. Perhaps I should have titled this posting "Lack of Potty Training!"

We have tried positive affirmations and treats (he is really fond of malt balls and gummie bears) to no avail. This child is so obstinate that it makes me want to pull out what's left of my hair. We have all but given up for now. We figured that #3 isn't due for another 3 months so we still have a little time, but our goal is still to have only 1 child in diapers at any given time. Angelo is going to give us a run for our money on this one.

It is with a great deal of skepticism and cautious optimism that we picked up the book "Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day." Needless to say I am unsure of its claim to work in just one day, but we will see. It can't hurt to try because everything else doesn't seem to work. If any of you have any great ideas or stories to share drop me a line and let me know what your secret is becuase we're about all out of ideas.

Tips for Husbands

I get asked all the time why my wife lets me go out and smoke cigars, play golf and generally do what I want most of the time. I think a lot of men envy my marital position, but seldom do they see what goes on at home. Firstly,  I am blessed to be married to a woman who communicates and sets expectations extremely well. She is my perfect complement, we found this to be true using the DISC personality model: I am a Di and she is an Sc (google "DISC Personality" for more info on how this works.) Secondly, I have a great privilege in being able to work remotely which makes my job at home easier. Nonetheless the rules below should still be adhered to whenever possible.

Here are my top 5 rules that will increase your chances (dare I say guarantee) that you will have more freedom to golf, fish, relax, or whatever your personal hobby might be:

1. Sweep the House: I do not mean physically with a broom (though that may be required) but what I mean is to look at what needs to be done around the house.  Maybe the floor needs to be mopped or the laundry needs to be folded or that honey-do project that keeps getting put off, but there is always something to do around the house.  Do it quietly when the wife isn't home and then the key part is to not brag about it. Bragging about what you have just done totally ruins it. Women notice everything, you won't have to tell them anything...need I elaborate? Trust me your labors will not go unnoticed.
2. Schedule Together Time: Some call it quality time and some call it date night. Whatever your particular flavor is do it and do it often. I read the other day that couples have only 12 minutes of actual interaction per day that could be considered "quality".  Quality is defined as no TV, no kids, no PDAs/email, no distractions period.  If you can be counted in the aforementioned statistic try 30 minutes of quality time a couple times a week if that's all you can manage and see where that takes you. 
3. Take Care of the Kids: At least one night per week let Mommy have the evening off while you bathe, clothe, brush teeth and read stories to the kids then call Mommy up for bedtime  prayers.  Remember that mommies don't get paid time off for their jobs, so you should do what you can to give he a break every so often. Not only will it be a welcomed treat for her, but you will be amazed at what your wife can do with 30 minutes alone without children nipping at her heels.
4. Clean the Sink: I'm not joking about this one.  I'm talking to those of you with the plain jane stainless steel sinks in the kitchen. Next time you are in the kitchen look at your sink...do you see spots? The answer is probably yes. Since you are already there looking try this trick: take a towel and simply wipe the sink and faucet until the spots disappear.  This takes no more than 30 seconds, but the difference it makes is amazing. There is something about polished shiny things that gives women a sense of peace. Note: this also applies to any glass surface with fingerprints, TV screens and mirrors.
5. Buy a DVR (If you don't already have one): To round out the top 5 I had to plug my favorite invention of the decade the DVR. I am a firm believer that a DVR can make you a better parent and husband.  Not only can you record all the shows you would otherwise "miss" but you can cut out the commercials which will save the average TV watching person a minimum of 30 minutes per evening.  For ideas on what to do with the 30 minutes you just saved see items 1-4.

If you follow these rules you will see an undeniable uptick in the quality of your home life and perhaps a matched decline in your handicap. Men, I'd love to hear feedback on this one...let me know if it works for you.

Antonio's 4th Birthday

On this day 4 years ago Misty and I received a gift that defies words. Antonio, our first child was born and our life has never been the same since. Sure my dreams of playing golf professionally have been dashed (now I just settle for playing once a month if I'm lucky). Sure Misty graduated at the top of her class in International Business and never got to work anywhere but the DFW area. Not that I would trade the way my life is now for anything.

Many things in life don't turn out the way you expect when you are young. This is probably a good thing. Misty and I agreed that we could not plan to have children. We felt it was something that was beyond our control and we would just go with the flow.  Sure enough two weeks shy of our first anniversary we already had #1. By the time our second anniversary rolled around we already knew we were expecting #2. Now we sit on the precipice of our 5th anniversary already with two preschoolers and another little boy on the way.

Birthdays are a time for reflection. Our children will understand this as they get older, parents are acutely aware of this. The reflection I see in the mirror is a somewhat older, wiser, heavier, balder version of my pre-paternal self. I can't really tell if my children are the cause of my hair loss but I wouldn't be surprised if it were true.

As I look back to 5 years ago I see a couple of twenty-somethings getting ready to take the plunge.  Frenetically checking and re-checking all wedding plans: catering, groomsmen, brides maids, time, place, etc. There is nothing like planning your own wedding. Somehow 5 years has whizzed by between then and now. Along with it went our sense of perfection.

We began planning our October wedding in January. Ten months for one day. Since then we have had to adjust what we are able to live with in terms of perfection: honestly we are lucky if we have 10 minutes these days. We understand that children have no concept of timeliness or cleanliness. We have resigned ourselves to the fact that if we hit the agreed upon target + 30 minutes we are having a good day. If the children only cycle through their wardrobe in three days...not so bad. If only a little of the chocolate cupcake lands on the floor, grabbing the mop would be tantamount to sitting on a whoopee cushion (guaranteed to elicit laughter).

I sometimes wonder what we did with our extra time before we had kids? I struggle to recall anything of consequence. Yes, we took vacations not involving a minivan. Yes, we ate out a bunch and had a night life that didn't include baby monitors, midnight feeding sessions and tiptoeing through our own house. Yes, we were able to do anything we wanted. Do I miss it...I would be lying if I didn't say no. But I don't miss it for very long. When I see my boys I know that I was put here on this earth to raise men, not an easy task. I try to set a good example for them to follow every day. It is sometimes difficult and it must be repeated daily.

I, like all parents want the best for my children and I have come to terms with the sacrifices that I must make to ensure that our children grow up into well-adjusted adults.  The daily grind no longer ends at the watering hole. Extravagant meals have given way to Mac N Cheese and hot dogs. Things that used to be priorities are no longer even a faint notion. It is all part of what we parents must to to provide for our children. If there is anything I have learned in the last 4 years it is this: anyone can do something difficult for one day, doing it every day is what makes you a parent.

Happy Birthday Antonio.

Love,

Dad

Games Children Play

Wherever two or more siblings are gathered I am there. No I'm not talking about Jesus here; I'm talking about the world's worst game: Keep Away. You know the one where the older sibling has something that the younger one wants and then runs around avoiding the younger one as he screams and cries. It could be a toy or an insignificant piece of paper but it always seems that no matter what it is you can bet that it will enervate parents and that said item will be destroyed in the process. Keep Away is probably my least favorite game that children play followed closely by, Jump On Daddy When He Isn't Expecting It, Look What I Found, and Ride the Kitty. 

Competition is the driving force behind Keep Away. Some call it sibling rivalry, but it is essentially one sibling competing for attention, bragging rights etc. over the other(s). I think it is woven into the fabric of our being. Especially if you have an ultra-competitive streak in you. Fathers definitely pass it on to their sons, so I admit that I am just as guilty of Keep Away as my children. I have no idea how to break the cycle, but I do know how to treat the symptoms. I normally take said item and hide, trash, break, shred or incinerate it. Sometimes it brings me great joy, especially if it is a noisemaking toy (see first blog for reference).

I'm sure I played "Keep Away" with my younger brother when we were growing up, although I can't remember it. You probably did too. Why is it that older siblings feel the need to taunt and tease younger ones? Why is it that the younger ones always want whatever the older ones have? Is nah nah nah nah boo boo an instinctual taunt inherent in older siblings or is it learned from others? These are the questions that keep me up at night? Well not really.

In our family Keep Away usually ends when Angelo hurts Antonio (whether by punch, kick, trip, or by beating him with a stick). Then Antonio begins crying and Angelo tries to act innocently. It is an almost daily occurrence here. I'm unsure whether Angelo will take the same course of action against the new baby when he arrives. Will he have learned his lesson and therefore be more forgiving towards his younger sibling? Shaking my Magic 8 Ball - my sources say no. I have a gut feeling that Angelo will continue the tradition of playing Keep Away: a sort of passing the torch if you will. If in the future Keep Away becomes an Olympic sport I am definitely signing my kids up. I have gold medalists in training.

Sometimes I wonder what goes on in their little heads

Saturday Antonio flat out refused to participate in soccer practice. He told me that he was no longer interested in playing soccer and that he wanted to play baseball. Normally this would be music to my ears if I hadn't already prepaid for the soccer practice at the YMCA. Since we are past the half-way point in the "season" there is no way I'm going to get a refund so I made Antonio sit through the remainder of the practice. He clapped whenever anyone scored a goal...even the other team. He appeared to be very apathetic and just wanted to be anywhere else.

We went home and his attitude went from bad to worse when he began acting up and generally being a pest. He started by deliberately making a mess upstairs and time out just wasn't cutting it. It culminated when he put his hands on my throat in choking fashion and told me that he was not going to go clean upstairs and that I was no longer allowed to talk to him. I did my best to keep from laughing and then when I realized that he was serious I explained to him that what he was doing was unacceptable and that he would now be taking a nap. A cacophony of cries emanated from his room for the next hour or so until he realized that we weren't coming up to get him.

And then later when Misty and I didn't think we could take any more he was much better behaved and he told Misty and I how much he loved us; it was almost as if he knew that we had reached our breaking point. He ate his dinner without complaining and even asked for seconds. He helped out around the house and he helped pick up toys before bed time. He totally redeemed himself. It is one of those things where if you weren't a parent you might have lost your cool, but knowing that they can be so wonderful most of the time you let it slide.

Sunday after mass we went to see where his Sunday school class would be next week and as we were walking through the Education Center Antonio saw Jesus on the Cross. He asked "why Jesus was on the Cross" and "who put him there?" It is amazing that the same child that can get under your skin one moment is the same child that amazes you with poignant questions the next. Misty and I felt very proud at that moment as we realized that our children are such a blessing and that the fleeting moments of silliness and disobedience are outweighed by the intelligence and compassion they exhibit the rest of the time.

Houston: We Have a Malicious Pee-er

A first tonight at the Gallizzi household. Malicious Peeing:

Stage: We had friends in from New Orleans this past weekend and we had a great time while they were here with their two boys. They slept in Antonio's bed and Antonio and Angelo "camped out" on the floor of Angelo's room on top of a sleeping bag that I'm certain hadn't been used since the Clinton administration (this is probably as close as my children will ever get to "roughing it.")  This morning Antonio helped strip the bed and wash the sheets and comforter. After school he helped Misty put them back on the bed.

The Act: Antonio came downstairs naked and said that someone had peed on his bed. I dashed upstairs to find that he was correct. Through my astute powers of deduction I surmised that it had to be my oldest son since the other one was downstairs and fully clothed. Antonio let loose on his own bed soaking about a 2 1/2 foot long 4 inch wide strip from the middle of his bed to the floor. I called Misty upstairs and she had a hard time initially containing her laughter and then her crying. Perhaps Antonio felt that his personal space had been violated and in animal like fashion decided to mark his territory.

His Response: "I didn't do it, it was Angelo."  

My Response: I calmly reminded him that liars are punished worse once they are found out. He quickly reversed course, admitted to it and avoided a spanking. (During the Olympics we recounted the story of Marion Jones to Antonio so he knows full well what happens to people when they do something wrong and then lie about it. I don't think he will ever forget this lesson.)

The Punishment: He was made to strip the bed of the pee-soaked comforter and sheets, walk them downstairs, put them into the washing machine, start a load of laundry, and then put new sheets on the bed. After which he went immediately to bed. The worst part was we let Angelo stay up late, which might be the thing that pissed him off (pun intended) worse than anything.

The Ultimatum: We let Antonio know in no uncertain terms that if it ever happened again that we would throw away his cowboy boots, hat and really anything else we can get our hands on.

All in all I think Misty and I held our composure fairly well. Honestly, this is something we were unprepared for but as parents when you stop experiencing new things you are either tending an empty nest or singing in the choir of angels.

Children and Chores

In the Wednesday Wall Street Journal there is a small article extolling the virtues of making children pitch in around the house. It cites some interesting statistics like the average 6-12 year old child "spends a mere 24 minutes per day doing cleaning, laundry, and other housework-a 12% decline since 1997 and a 25% drop from 1981 levels.[1]" So let me do the math on this: 24 minutes X 1.25 (the 1981 level) and the average child did approximately 30 minutes worth of chores around the home daily. So in essence we have lost 6 minutes of productivity per child per day in 27 years. That is 6 fewer minutes spent dishwashing, clothes folding, sweeping, mopping, taking out the garbage, mowing lawns, etc. each day. Now 6 minutes per day doesn't sound like a lot, but I think that it is a microcosm of American society.

As I see it there are 4 reasons why children are not helping out as much around the house as they used to:

1) We have less stuff and therefore less to do (highly unlikely). 

2) Our society replaces non-working items rather than fixing or re-tasking them.

3) We are too busy to do it/we hire out for help. Cleaning services, car washes, oil changes etc.

4) Mom and Dad pick up the slack and let the kids off the hook.

I think a combination of options 2-4 represent the reason our children are doing less. Options 2 and 3 would help instill a sense of pride in children when they get to help perform these tasks. Antonio always pulls out his Bob The Builder toolkit when he sees daddy using tools. I learned how to fix complex computer equipment as a teenager working for my father's business. He and I rebuilt a classic Ford Mustang and I got to learn a great deal about the inner workings of automobiles and engineering in general. The only garage my cars visit for tune-ups and oil changes is the one attached to my house. I hope to instill the same kind of knowledge and verve in my children as well when they get a bit older. I also hope that Option #4 never rears its ugly head in my house.

Now I'm not bashing anyone who has never replaced automobile parts, this is merely a skill that I have that I wish to pass on to my children. Others of you may be experts at some other facet of homemaking that needs to be passed on. Misty for instance learned to sew from her grandmother. Some of you cook very well. Some of you have green thumbs. Let's get our kids involved. These are traits worth passing on. Anything we can teach our children about problem solving and how to create or fix anything increases their self-worth and willingness to help in the future.

Another point in the WSJ article is that teaching young men to pitch-in around the house "has become a crucial marriage-preservation skill. [2]" I would even go so far to say that teaching boys these lessons (which we will do in our house) is good preparation for college and the real world. No one is going to do their laundry when they go to college or when they finally move out on their own. The path to un-enlightenedness is marked with dust bunnies, wrinkled clothes and Ramen noodles.

Now contrast this seemingly insignificant 6 minute decline with our bulging waistlines and there is a theme emerging here...we are getting lazy as a nation. Here is a shocking statistic about childhood obesity: "In 2002, data showed that 15% of children and teens are considered overweight, a tripling since 1980. An additional 15% of kids and teens are considered 'at risk' for becoming overweight.[3]" The date range is strikingly similar. Could it be that we are our children's worst enemies when it comes to staying healthy? And how about this one: "Forty-three percent of students in grades 9-12 watch television more than two hours per day. Physical activity declines dramatically over the course of adolescence, and girls are significantly less likely than boys to participate regularly in vigorous physical activity. [4]" If high school students have enough time to watch 2 hours of TV per day then surely we can find another 6 minutes worth of chores for our children to do. Let's start now.

1: Shellenbarger, Sue (2008, August 27). On the Virtues of Making Your Children Do the Dishes. Wall Street Journal, p.D1.

2: Ibid.

3: America Scores:Statistics on Childhood Obesity. Retrieved August 27, 2008, from  http://www.americascores.org/index.php?id=390

4: ibid

Thank God For Grandparents

Mommy and Daddy got to spend some much needed time with other adults Friday night enabled by my father's willingness to not only to watch the boys, but keep them overnight (only time will tell whether we are ever again accorded this privilege). Long gone are the wild and crazy days of partying, staying out all night and acting like teenagers, however we gave it a good shot on Friday night making it until almost midnight before cashing in (a far cry from the good old college days). Sure we could have found a bar/ Whataburger/IHOP and stayed out late like back in college, but when the opportunity to sleep in presents itself parents must take full advantage. High on our priority list of things to do when we woke up on Saturday morning: Nothing at all. It is a rare occasion when we aren't serenaded by children at the top of the stairs singing good morning ditties, running around sans diapers proclaiming their nakedness, and playing whack-a-mole with makeshift hammers and drumsticks. So we decided to sleep in...and it was everything we thought it would be.

Back to Grandpa: little did he know how much of a handful our boys can be. When he showed up Saturday morning with the kids he looked as if he tried to singlehandedly stop a charging stampede of rabid caribou...and lost. His only glimmer of hope was knowing that his time watching the children was limited. Less than 18 hours after dropping off the children at my dad's they were back at home and in rare form. I'm not sure they actually slept at all. Perhaps because the children's fairly consistent bedtime routine is not adhered to at the grandparents' residences or it could be the change of scenery and not sleeping in their own beds but our children always seem to require a 12-24 hour re-acclimation period. They are normally irritable and short on sleep when they return so they tend to try our patience and sanity. This is exactly what happened upon their return Saturday morning. They were horrible, being ugly and generally disobedient and it was a struggle, but we eventually reclaimed the remainder of the day around 5 PM or so after some much needed naps and some quiet time. After a quick trip to Burger King they were back to their usual cheerfully rambunctious selves and we breathed a collective sigh of relief that years of parenting hadn't been flushed down the toilet for a night out with friends and a wild game of poker.

Toys...Who needs them?

If any of you have children that are doted on by their grandparents the way our boys are then undoubtedly you have amassed an overabundance of toys.  When I grew up we didn't have as many toys and I think the ones that came in the happy meals lasted a bit longer than they do these days, but one thing is for certain; toys only exist to momentarily distract your children, permanently annoy parents and create never ending clutter your house. Most toys will be used infrequently by children for various reasons, but don't ever try to throw them away while they are awake. Children instantly find reasons for why the toy you are about to throw away is their favorite and they couldn't possible live without it.

Allow me to explore some of the common toys found in our house (and with a high-likelihood your own):

Matchbox Cars: 

• Children are amused only so far as they can roll them into walls, cabinets and other inanimate objects. Telltale signs an adult has children with these toys: parents are unable to stand up straight due to groin pulls, bruised tailbones, and slipped discs. (I actually believe that Matchbox cars were invented by a Chiropractor whose practice was struggling to attract new patients.) Where these toys tend to congregate: between cushions in the couch, under the couch, and the floor outside my office door.

Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head

• This toy is confusing for children because there are only smiles on the lips of the Potato Heads. Children instantly find this confusing because the Potato Heads live in Happy Land while the rest of us live in the real world. Glaringly missing from the Potato Head's emotions are "Make Your Bed", "Do You Think Money Grows On Trees?", and the "Stop Hitting Your Brother" looks. Parents clearly see why this one could be confusing. We hate the Potato Heads for all the reasons above and the one-hundred and fifty seven pieces they come with. (If you ever want to drive yourself crazy try to make a Potato Head with matching pieces...most of mine look about as symmetrical as a Picasso). Common congregating areas include bathroom sinks, bathtubs, and the floor outside my office door. (Note the pattern here).

Noise Making Toys (All-Types)

• Children love toys that make noise, sing songs, and generally annoy parents.  The more annoying it is to you the parent the more enjoyable it will be for your children. However one item to note is that most noise making toys run on batteries and will eventually die. Parents revenge = lie about not having the right size batteries and then throw out the toy the following day since a quiet toy doesn't annoy parents anywhere near as much kids lose interest quickly. Where they tend to congregate... everywhere including outside my office door. (I think my children are trying to tell me something). Most common time of day to be annoyed by this type of toy...any time I am on the phone.

Unintended Toys (The true mark of imagination)

• Why is it that children can turn a belt into a lasso, a towel into a crime fighting superhero's cape, and a cardboard box into a playhouse? I suppose most children have this gift and too often do not express it. We should encourage it. Parent's love these toys for the most part and rarely take offense. For the most part these toys are quiet, however there are some precautions to keep in mind with these toys. 1) Belts can be used as weapons against siblings and adults so pay attention. 2) Never assume that the towel was clean before they put it on, especially if it was a kitchen towel.  Nothing puts a charge in mommy like a good old Salmonella scare. 3) Unless you want to spend a full weekend picking up "fairy dust" remove packing peanuts and styrofoam from the box before they play in it.

If you are reading this kiss your kids, tell them how much you love them, and tell them to go outside and ride their bikes.

Eating Ice Cream and Throwing Deuces

So if you are ever struggling to find a way to get your kids to keep quiet...try ice cream. The universal word that all children uinderstand and signifies the triumph of rational man over irrational children.

You've probably heard that silence is golden, but duct tape is silver! I've found that chocolate tastes better though. Give it a try and see.

First Blog Entry

I felt I needed a creative outlet to opine on the on-goings/foibles of my family (especially my two wonderful boys Antonio 4 and Angelo 2) so I created this blog. Here is a quick family introduction:

• Antonio: The Chameleon. This kid changes clothes faster than Imelda Marcos changed shoes. He actually acts out things he sees on TV by portraying them in real life.  If Cowboys - black Stetson, jeans, belt with buckle, boots and a red bandanna, often accompanied by a denim jacket...even in the summer. If Musketeer D'artagnan - trade Stetson for white floppy hat and a stuffed horse he swears is real. If a movie about knights - trade white floppy hat for silver knight's helmet. You get the picture.

• Angelo: The Dr. of Destruction. This kid is like a bowling ball with legs.  He never met anything that didn't look better in pieces on the floor.  I actually had to rebuild part of my backyard fence because he was ripping wooden slats off the fence. Bottomless pit of a stomach (unless meat is involved...FYI hot dogs are excluded from the meat category)

• Misty: The Saint. Im not sure how she stays sane. Honestly if I had to sit with these kids all day I would go nuts. If not for her I would not have my wonderful children and this blog would not exist.

• Tony: Super Dad. Married to a saint and sire to chameleon and a wrecking ball.

For those of you who don't know, I work from home in a dedicated office (which helps) but is not sound proof and therefore renders any conference call potentially humiliating with what would seem to the untrained ear to be a stable full of barnyard animals or a Greco-Roman wrestling match (it varies by time of day).  I actually have to schedule important conference calls with my wife to ensure that the children will not be in the house.  Normally all it costs me is the market price of a Happy Meal (it makes more than just the kids happy I assure you) at McDonalds which I am more than willing to pony up for the peace and quiet.

I love my boys very much and I find it hard sometimes to separate work from home.  I do love the flexibility of being able to have breakfast with them in the morning, and having a family dinner in the early evening but it often a struggle. Let me walk you through a typical day in my life:

Wake-up around 6:30 go to the gym. Yes. Peace and quiet. Begin the day on a good note.

Return home and have breakfast around 8.  This isn't like breakfast at my parent's house. Breakfast in my house growing up was all or nothing. There were no a la carte menu items. Everyone ate the same thing. Breakfast with my children is an event. Take this morning for example. I ate cereal, Angelo wanted a different cereal, Raisin Bran, which he proceeded to pick the raisins out of and leave the cereal flakes. Antonio had toast with jelly and an egg over easy: which is better than the usual peanut butter & jelly sandwich. It could be worse I suppose: at least he didn't ask for 30 packets of ketchup.

Between 8-5: Go upstairs and check email. Attend conference calls. Solve problems. The usual. As long as the kids aren't strangling each other outside my office door (a favorite hangout of theirs) we can call it a good day.

There is not a lot of excitement when I step out of my office at the end of the day since the kids have the opportunity to be around daddy most of the day. Daddy also has no time to decompress from his workday. This is when the wheels usually start to fall off.

• Antonio can't seem to sit through a meal without excusing himself to go to the bathroom. But it isn't like he just gets up and goes. He normally has to put his cowboy hat back on and mosey over to the outhouse cowboy style.
• Meanwhile Angelo picks through his food and eliminates most products containing meat. The kid even picks toppings off of pizza if it looks like meat.  It is also understandable that being younger that he spills a little as he eats...but this kid spills a lot.  His plate, face, clothes and section of the table normally look like a bad day at an Impressionistic workshop. If I could only get him to put that on canvas I might be able to pawn it off on eBay...
• My wife and I feel like dinner is basically a tag team WWF wrestling match except we don't get to use the folding chairs as weapons. The kids do get to jump off the turnbuckle and drop flying elbows at will (which in my opinion isn't fair).

From 6PM to 8PM it is a struggle. Dinner is over. There is still daylight. What to do? With the fairly recent invention of the DVR and its proxies the DVD/VHS players (a.k.a. baby sitters) we have managed to scrape by. Although if I hear the Dora the Explorer theme one more time I might snap...and don't get me started on the Wiggles.

With any luck the kids are in bed by 8 and mommy and I crash on the couch and enjoy the silence.