Children and Chores

In the Wednesday Wall Street Journal there is a small article extolling the virtues of making children pitch in around the house. It cites some interesting statistics like the average 6-12 year old child "spends a mere 24 minutes per day doing cleaning, laundry, and other housework-a 12% decline since 1997 and a 25% drop from 1981 levels.[1]" So let me do the math on this: 24 minutes X 1.25 (the 1981 level) and the average child did approximately 30 minutes worth of chores around the home daily. So in essence we have lost 6 minutes of productivity per child per day in 27 years. That is 6 fewer minutes spent dishwashing, clothes folding, sweeping, mopping, taking out the garbage, mowing lawns, etc. each day. Now 6 minutes per day doesn't sound like a lot, but I think that it is a microcosm of American society.

As I see it there are 4 reasons why children are not helping out as much around the house as they used to:

1) We have less stuff and therefore less to do (highly unlikely). 

2) Our society replaces non-working items rather than fixing or re-tasking them.

3) We are too busy to do it/we hire out for help. Cleaning services, car washes, oil changes etc.

4) Mom and Dad pick up the slack and let the kids off the hook.

I think a combination of options 2-4 represent the reason our children are doing less. Options 2 and 3 would help instill a sense of pride in children when they get to help perform these tasks. Antonio always pulls out his Bob The Builder toolkit when he sees daddy using tools. I learned how to fix complex computer equipment as a teenager working for my father's business. He and I rebuilt a classic Ford Mustang and I got to learn a great deal about the inner workings of automobiles and engineering in general. The only garage my cars visit for tune-ups and oil changes is the one attached to my house. I hope to instill the same kind of knowledge and verve in my children as well when they get a bit older. I also hope that Option #4 never rears its ugly head in my house.

Now I'm not bashing anyone who has never replaced automobile parts, this is merely a skill that I have that I wish to pass on to my children. Others of you may be experts at some other facet of homemaking that needs to be passed on. Misty for instance learned to sew from her grandmother. Some of you cook very well. Some of you have green thumbs. Let's get our kids involved. These are traits worth passing on. Anything we can teach our children about problem solving and how to create or fix anything increases their self-worth and willingness to help in the future.

Another point in the WSJ article is that teaching young men to pitch-in around the house "has become a crucial marriage-preservation skill. [2]" I would even go so far to say that teaching boys these lessons (which we will do in our house) is good preparation for college and the real world. No one is going to do their laundry when they go to college or when they finally move out on their own. The path to un-enlightenedness is marked with dust bunnies, wrinkled clothes and Ramen noodles.

Now contrast this seemingly insignificant 6 minute decline with our bulging waistlines and there is a theme emerging here...we are getting lazy as a nation. Here is a shocking statistic about childhood obesity: "In 2002, data showed that 15% of children and teens are considered overweight, a tripling since 1980. An additional 15% of kids and teens are considered 'at risk' for becoming overweight.[3]" The date range is strikingly similar. Could it be that we are our children's worst enemies when it comes to staying healthy? And how about this one: "Forty-three percent of students in grades 9-12 watch television more than two hours per day. Physical activity declines dramatically over the course of adolescence, and girls are significantly less likely than boys to participate regularly in vigorous physical activity. [4]" If high school students have enough time to watch 2 hours of TV per day then surely we can find another 6 minutes worth of chores for our children to do. Let's start now.

1: Shellenbarger, Sue (2008, August 27). On the Virtues of Making Your Children Do the Dishes. Wall Street Journal, p.D1.

2: Ibid.

3: America Scores:Statistics on Childhood Obesity. Retrieved August 27, 2008, from  http://www.americascores.org/index.php?id=390

4: ibid

Thank God For Grandparents

Mommy and Daddy got to spend some much needed time with other adults Friday night enabled by my father's willingness to not only to watch the boys, but keep them overnight (only time will tell whether we are ever again accorded this privilege). Long gone are the wild and crazy days of partying, staying out all night and acting like teenagers, however we gave it a good shot on Friday night making it until almost midnight before cashing in (a far cry from the good old college days). Sure we could have found a bar/ Whataburger/IHOP and stayed out late like back in college, but when the opportunity to sleep in presents itself parents must take full advantage. High on our priority list of things to do when we woke up on Saturday morning: Nothing at all. It is a rare occasion when we aren't serenaded by children at the top of the stairs singing good morning ditties, running around sans diapers proclaiming their nakedness, and playing whack-a-mole with makeshift hammers and drumsticks. So we decided to sleep in...and it was everything we thought it would be.

Back to Grandpa: little did he know how much of a handful our boys can be. When he showed up Saturday morning with the kids he looked as if he tried to singlehandedly stop a charging stampede of rabid caribou...and lost. His only glimmer of hope was knowing that his time watching the children was limited. Less than 18 hours after dropping off the children at my dad's they were back at home and in rare form. I'm not sure they actually slept at all. Perhaps because the children's fairly consistent bedtime routine is not adhered to at the grandparents' residences or it could be the change of scenery and not sleeping in their own beds but our children always seem to require a 12-24 hour re-acclimation period. They are normally irritable and short on sleep when they return so they tend to try our patience and sanity. This is exactly what happened upon their return Saturday morning. They were horrible, being ugly and generally disobedient and it was a struggle, but we eventually reclaimed the remainder of the day around 5 PM or so after some much needed naps and some quiet time. After a quick trip to Burger King they were back to their usual cheerfully rambunctious selves and we breathed a collective sigh of relief that years of parenting hadn't been flushed down the toilet for a night out with friends and a wild game of poker.

Toys...Who needs them?

If any of you have children that are doted on by their grandparents the way our boys are then undoubtedly you have amassed an overabundance of toys.  When I grew up we didn't have as many toys and I think the ones that came in the happy meals lasted a bit longer than they do these days, but one thing is for certain; toys only exist to momentarily distract your children, permanently annoy parents and create never ending clutter your house. Most toys will be used infrequently by children for various reasons, but don't ever try to throw them away while they are awake. Children instantly find reasons for why the toy you are about to throw away is their favorite and they couldn't possible live without it.

Allow me to explore some of the common toys found in our house (and with a high-likelihood your own):

Matchbox Cars: 

• Children are amused only so far as they can roll them into walls, cabinets and other inanimate objects. Telltale signs an adult has children with these toys: parents are unable to stand up straight due to groin pulls, bruised tailbones, and slipped discs. (I actually believe that Matchbox cars were invented by a Chiropractor whose practice was struggling to attract new patients.) Where these toys tend to congregate: between cushions in the couch, under the couch, and the floor outside my office door.

Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head

• This toy is confusing for children because there are only smiles on the lips of the Potato Heads. Children instantly find this confusing because the Potato Heads live in Happy Land while the rest of us live in the real world. Glaringly missing from the Potato Head's emotions are "Make Your Bed", "Do You Think Money Grows On Trees?", and the "Stop Hitting Your Brother" looks. Parents clearly see why this one could be confusing. We hate the Potato Heads for all the reasons above and the one-hundred and fifty seven pieces they come with. (If you ever want to drive yourself crazy try to make a Potato Head with matching pieces...most of mine look about as symmetrical as a Picasso). Common congregating areas include bathroom sinks, bathtubs, and the floor outside my office door. (Note the pattern here).

Noise Making Toys (All-Types)

• Children love toys that make noise, sing songs, and generally annoy parents.  The more annoying it is to you the parent the more enjoyable it will be for your children. However one item to note is that most noise making toys run on batteries and will eventually die. Parents revenge = lie about not having the right size batteries and then throw out the toy the following day since a quiet toy doesn't annoy parents anywhere near as much kids lose interest quickly. Where they tend to congregate... everywhere including outside my office door. (I think my children are trying to tell me something). Most common time of day to be annoyed by this type of toy...any time I am on the phone.

Unintended Toys (The true mark of imagination)

• Why is it that children can turn a belt into a lasso, a towel into a crime fighting superhero's cape, and a cardboard box into a playhouse? I suppose most children have this gift and too often do not express it. We should encourage it. Parent's love these toys for the most part and rarely take offense. For the most part these toys are quiet, however there are some precautions to keep in mind with these toys. 1) Belts can be used as weapons against siblings and adults so pay attention. 2) Never assume that the towel was clean before they put it on, especially if it was a kitchen towel.  Nothing puts a charge in mommy like a good old Salmonella scare. 3) Unless you want to spend a full weekend picking up "fairy dust" remove packing peanuts and styrofoam from the box before they play in it.

If you are reading this kiss your kids, tell them how much you love them, and tell them to go outside and ride their bikes.

Eating Ice Cream and Throwing Deuces

So if you are ever struggling to find a way to get your kids to keep quiet...try ice cream. The universal word that all children uinderstand and signifies the triumph of rational man over irrational children.

You've probably heard that silence is golden, but duct tape is silver! I've found that chocolate tastes better though. Give it a try and see.

First Blog Entry

I felt I needed a creative outlet to opine on the on-goings/foibles of my family (especially my two wonderful boys Antonio 4 and Angelo 2) so I created this blog. Here is a quick family introduction:

• Antonio: The Chameleon. This kid changes clothes faster than Imelda Marcos changed shoes. He actually acts out things he sees on TV by portraying them in real life.  If Cowboys - black Stetson, jeans, belt with buckle, boots and a red bandanna, often accompanied by a denim jacket...even in the summer. If Musketeer D'artagnan - trade Stetson for white floppy hat and a stuffed horse he swears is real. If a movie about knights - trade white floppy hat for silver knight's helmet. You get the picture.

• Angelo: The Dr. of Destruction. This kid is like a bowling ball with legs.  He never met anything that didn't look better in pieces on the floor.  I actually had to rebuild part of my backyard fence because he was ripping wooden slats off the fence. Bottomless pit of a stomach (unless meat is involved...FYI hot dogs are excluded from the meat category)

• Misty: The Saint. Im not sure how she stays sane. Honestly if I had to sit with these kids all day I would go nuts. If not for her I would not have my wonderful children and this blog would not exist.

• Tony: Super Dad. Married to a saint and sire to chameleon and a wrecking ball.

For those of you who don't know, I work from home in a dedicated office (which helps) but is not sound proof and therefore renders any conference call potentially humiliating with what would seem to the untrained ear to be a stable full of barnyard animals or a Greco-Roman wrestling match (it varies by time of day).  I actually have to schedule important conference calls with my wife to ensure that the children will not be in the house.  Normally all it costs me is the market price of a Happy Meal (it makes more than just the kids happy I assure you) at McDonalds which I am more than willing to pony up for the peace and quiet.

I love my boys very much and I find it hard sometimes to separate work from home.  I do love the flexibility of being able to have breakfast with them in the morning, and having a family dinner in the early evening but it often a struggle. Let me walk you through a typical day in my life:

Wake-up around 6:30 go to the gym. Yes. Peace and quiet. Begin the day on a good note.

Return home and have breakfast around 8.  This isn't like breakfast at my parent's house. Breakfast in my house growing up was all or nothing. There were no a la carte menu items. Everyone ate the same thing. Breakfast with my children is an event. Take this morning for example. I ate cereal, Angelo wanted a different cereal, Raisin Bran, which he proceeded to pick the raisins out of and leave the cereal flakes. Antonio had toast with jelly and an egg over easy: which is better than the usual peanut butter & jelly sandwich. It could be worse I suppose: at least he didn't ask for 30 packets of ketchup.

Between 8-5: Go upstairs and check email. Attend conference calls. Solve problems. The usual. As long as the kids aren't strangling each other outside my office door (a favorite hangout of theirs) we can call it a good day.

There is not a lot of excitement when I step out of my office at the end of the day since the kids have the opportunity to be around daddy most of the day. Daddy also has no time to decompress from his workday. This is when the wheels usually start to fall off.

• Antonio can't seem to sit through a meal without excusing himself to go to the bathroom. But it isn't like he just gets up and goes. He normally has to put his cowboy hat back on and mosey over to the outhouse cowboy style.
• Meanwhile Angelo picks through his food and eliminates most products containing meat. The kid even picks toppings off of pizza if it looks like meat.  It is also understandable that being younger that he spills a little as he eats...but this kid spills a lot.  His plate, face, clothes and section of the table normally look like a bad day at an Impressionistic workshop. If I could only get him to put that on canvas I might be able to pawn it off on eBay...
• My wife and I feel like dinner is basically a tag team WWF wrestling match except we don't get to use the folding chairs as weapons. The kids do get to jump off the turnbuckle and drop flying elbows at will (which in my opinion isn't fair).

From 6PM to 8PM it is a struggle. Dinner is over. There is still daylight. What to do? With the fairly recent invention of the DVR and its proxies the DVD/VHS players (a.k.a. baby sitters) we have managed to scrape by. Although if I hear the Dora the Explorer theme one more time I might snap...and don't get me started on the Wiggles.

With any luck the kids are in bed by 8 and mommy and I crash on the couch and enjoy the silence.