Toys...Who needs them?

If any of you have children that are doted on by their grandparents the way our boys are then undoubtedly you have amassed an overabundance of toys.  When I grew up we didn't have as many toys and I think the ones that came in the happy meals lasted a bit longer than they do these days, but one thing is for certain; toys only exist to momentarily distract your children, permanently annoy parents and create never ending clutter your house. Most toys will be used infrequently by children for various reasons, but don't ever try to throw them away while they are awake. Children instantly find reasons for why the toy you are about to throw away is their favorite and they couldn't possible live without it.

Allow me to explore some of the common toys found in our house (and with a high-likelihood your own):

Matchbox Cars: 

• Children are amused only so far as they can roll them into walls, cabinets and other inanimate objects. Telltale signs an adult has children with these toys: parents are unable to stand up straight due to groin pulls, bruised tailbones, and slipped discs. (I actually believe that Matchbox cars were invented by a Chiropractor whose practice was struggling to attract new patients.) Where these toys tend to congregate: between cushions in the couch, under the couch, and the floor outside my office door.

Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head

• This toy is confusing for children because there are only smiles on the lips of the Potato Heads. Children instantly find this confusing because the Potato Heads live in Happy Land while the rest of us live in the real world. Glaringly missing from the Potato Head's emotions are "Make Your Bed", "Do You Think Money Grows On Trees?", and the "Stop Hitting Your Brother" looks. Parents clearly see why this one could be confusing. We hate the Potato Heads for all the reasons above and the one-hundred and fifty seven pieces they come with. (If you ever want to drive yourself crazy try to make a Potato Head with matching pieces...most of mine look about as symmetrical as a Picasso). Common congregating areas include bathroom sinks, bathtubs, and the floor outside my office door. (Note the pattern here).

Noise Making Toys (All-Types)

• Children love toys that make noise, sing songs, and generally annoy parents.  The more annoying it is to you the parent the more enjoyable it will be for your children. However one item to note is that most noise making toys run on batteries and will eventually die. Parents revenge = lie about not having the right size batteries and then throw out the toy the following day since a quiet toy doesn't annoy parents anywhere near as much kids lose interest quickly. Where they tend to congregate... everywhere including outside my office door. (I think my children are trying to tell me something). Most common time of day to be annoyed by this type of toy...any time I am on the phone.

Unintended Toys (The true mark of imagination)

• Why is it that children can turn a belt into a lasso, a towel into a crime fighting superhero's cape, and a cardboard box into a playhouse? I suppose most children have this gift and too often do not express it. We should encourage it. Parent's love these toys for the most part and rarely take offense. For the most part these toys are quiet, however there are some precautions to keep in mind with these toys. 1) Belts can be used as weapons against siblings and adults so pay attention. 2) Never assume that the towel was clean before they put it on, especially if it was a kitchen towel.  Nothing puts a charge in mommy like a good old Salmonella scare. 3) Unless you want to spend a full weekend picking up "fairy dust" remove packing peanuts and styrofoam from the box before they play in it.

If you are reading this kiss your kids, tell them how much you love them, and tell them to go outside and ride their bikes.