Top Six Things Kids Cannot Measure

In no particular order, here are the top five six things I've found that children have difficulty measuring:

• Sound Carries
• Really, sound travels. You can't convince your children of this but the reason parents are "so smart" is that we hear the kids coming a mile away. My children like to undertake clandestine operations only to be thwarted by Daddy (who 2 minutes earlier heard them planning their "surprise attack"). My reply is simply that I have eyes in the back of my head. No parents don't really have eyes in the backs of our heads but when they make as much noise as elephants we don't even need eyes to detect them coming a mile away.
• Value of Money
• You'd be amazed at what we can get our kids to do for a nickle. You would think that they had just won the lottery when we promise them a nickle for doing their chores or helping around the house with their younger brothers. I'm not sure how much longer this will last, but I'm going to ride this wave as long as possible.
• Timing
• Our older children just don't understand that we have to schedule things around nap time in order to keep a healthy home life. No one likes a cranky baby and therefore we must wait to go out and do anything because nap time is sacred. I will willingly forego being out and about for peace and quiet any day.
• Amount of Milk That Goes on Cereal
• How many times have you seen an improper ratio of cereal to milk in a child's bowl. Whatever happened to filling up the bowl with cereal and then gently pouring milk into the bowl until the cereal begins to float? Why is it that when my children attempt to do this we always end up with a milk puddle under the bowl and a tidal wave of Cheerios beginning on the table and ending on the floor?
• Distance
• It is soooooo far to the store. Really? It is 1.5 miles to Wal-Mart and takes 3-4 minutes in a car to get there. The park is half a mile from the house. Daddy can we drive there it is sooooo far! No, you each have a bicycle and that's the perfect gasoline free way to get where you are going...don't forget your helmet.
• Amount of Time it Takes to Do Anything
• The reason we don't eat out much is that it is a production just getting everyone ready to leave the house, drive to the restaurant and sorting through the endless kids meal options that by the time all is said and done it takes 2 hours minimum to go out and eat. Now a two-hour meal with parents only would be welcomed, but that's not the kind of meal we are talking about here. This is the kind of meal where the kids can never agree on anything, drink their sodas way too fast, and end up eating next to none of their overpriced Mac & Cheese. Meals like this usually end with me carrying one crying boy over my shoulder and another cradled in the football hold, giving the door the Heisman as we make our way to the parking lot hoping the rest of my entourage can keep up.

I'm sure you have more than my top six...feel free to inspire my next round of observations.